Happy birthday for the 23rd Adik…

My dear lil’ brother…

May your day be filled with laughter
On this your special day
And may the finest things in life
Always come your way

and we think the price is worth it…

aku selalu dihujani dgn soklan yg agak sama beberapa kali… kdg cam malas nak amek pusing sgt… tapi aku tetap pk pasal benda tu anyhow… byk benda yg aku x rela pun nak jadi, nak buat, nak hadapi, nak beli, nak suke, etc etc… aku ni jugak sala sorg manusia yg selalu men ikot je ckp org… A kata dia, A jugak la bagi aku… B kata dia, B la jugak pada aku… tapi tgk keadaan jugak la… x seme bende aku men ikot je… kalu rase pala otak ni nak meletup, nak bangkang, nak protes, nak mara, nak apa sekalipun, aku takkan buat benda tu atau takkan terpengaruh sikit pun dgn kata² org… hmm…

eih??… dua tiga arini aku asik buat kajian + kaji selidik pasal diri sendirik je ni kenape erk?… hihihi… erm… aku x penah kesah berbelanja atau menghabiskan dwet aku utk family + rakan terdekat… mana yg aku rase nak banje ke, nak kuwa dwet bli pape utk org ke, nak kasik mak dwet ke, aku x penah ragu-ragu atau pk berkali-kali… setakat mencongak² dwet dalam kepala + kertas tu bese la… buat bajet expenses… tupun kalu aku ade dwet… kalu xde dwet, jangankan nak pegi window shopping, pk dalam kepala pun tak… huhuh…

aku jarang bagi adiah mahal kat org… melainkan aku syg gile kat org tu… kalau setakat adiah kecik² tu byk la jugak kot… setakat ini, hanya 2 kali aku bli benda/brg harga beratus kasik kat org… bila pkkan balek pasal berbaloi atau tak, mmg kengkdg terdetik jugak dlm kepala ni, x patut aku kasik adiah sebegitu mahal pada org bila mengenangkan org tu hanya aku je yg syg gegila… atau bila pkkan kemungkinan yg aku akan kehilangan org tu… walaupun aku pk negetif camni, aku tetap harap ia hanya igauan ngeri je… aku masih tetap harap aku xkan kehilangan org tu…

hentahlah… selalu jugak sebenanye aku terasa pelik bila aku tau cerita sekeliling ttg pengorbanan seseorang terhadap seseorang yg lain… xkesah la lelaki ke pompuan… aku bukan la nak ckp yg aku buat satu pengorbanan dgn menghadiahkan org barang mahal… tapi ia tetap punya makna bila kita dah sanggup nak belikan atau adiahkan benda tu kat org kan?… aku ambil cth kes adik aku ngan ex dia… kalau ikut rasa dalam hati, aku rasa cam nak mara je adik aku sbb dia jadik camtu… cam bongok je sacrifice semua tu utk ex dia yg dah kompom takkan terima dia… dan aku rasa marah pada ex dia sebab sanggup perlakukan adik aku begitu… tapi aku nak buat apa?… aku simpan je… xde pun nak mara adik aku atau ex dia walaupun byk kali jugak terdetik dlm kepala nak ’serang’ je ex dia… tapi aku x sampai ati… x sanggup…

aku x masuk campur urusan peribadi adik aku walaupun aku tau ttg perkara tu… sbb aku jugak pkkan pasal situasi aku sekarang… aku jugak pernah alami benda tu… kalau dah syg, kalau dah suka, even bukan pada kekasih pun kita akan sanggup buat apa saja… aku jugak penah dicop gile sebab sanggup berhabis dwet, beratus², hanya kerana seorang PEREMPUAN… ya… perempuan!!!… tapi org x penah pk apa yg kita rasa atau sebab apa kita buat semua tu… apa tujuan kita… yg mereka tahu hanya nak blame kita saja… adil ke?… pada aku, org tu jeles… tu je aku pk utk sedapkan ati sendiri… hwahwahwa… abeh cerita…

kdg² jugak aku terfikir, dah mmg nasib keluarga aku ke benda camni nak jadi?… aku, adik + mak… ketiga-tiganya pernah buat sesuatu yg org mungkin akan kata kami bodoh atau gile… nak salahkan sape?… nak ckp ape?… nak buat camne?… itu hak memasing dan itu yg mereka boleh/sanggup/nak buat utk tunjukkan kasih syg mereka terhadap org tu gamaknye… nak bandingkan dgn org yg membambu tu, die ade ke pk benda² lain yg mungkin jadik penyebab kenapa dia x dpt apa yg dia nak… aku x berani nak ckp pape kat org… kalu aku salah sangka atau syak wasangka pada seseorang pun, aku tak ckp pape… bia la dia tetap pk dia betul… susah nak berckp dgn org mcm tu… org yg pandai ckp pasal kesalahan org lain tapi diri sendiri pun x betul… aku pun takut aku jadi camtu… sbb itu aku seringkali salahkan diri sendiri… jarang nak blame org lain…

dalam pada org dok bambu/mara seseorang kerana perkara bongok + bodoh yg mereka lakukan (kononnye), org x tahu byk juga perkara kecil yg bole dikategorikan sbg bongok + bodoh juga yg pernah dilakukakn oleh org lain utk dia, vice versa… aku selalu menggantikan sesuatu dgn sesuatu yg lain, at least yg sama nilai dgn benda yg aku lepaskan/buang/x buat… sbg cth, dulu aku penah x buat assignment group masa kat u sbb sala sorg ahli kumpulan aku nak buat semua… nampak mcm x adil kan?… tapi nak buat camne… dah dia nak begitu… dah dia kata dia paling bagus buat benda tu atau dia buat lebih cepat atau sebagainya… dan sebagai gantinya, aku akan buat pulak tugasan yg lain tanpa meminta ahli yg dah buat assignment tadi sorg diri tu turut serta… aku x kesah pun… sbb aku tahu dia juga penah/dah buat benda yg sama pada aku… hmm… payah bila org x fhm niat kita… susah nak buat org mengerti setiap tindak tanduk aku (terutamanya)… sebagaimana aku susah nak memahami org lain… aku tahu itu… aku sedar…

apa yg aku buat utk si dia, pada aku takde apa² sgt… dia juga byk buat bermacam² perkara utk aku… mungkin aku pk, ini sala satu cara utk balas budinya, tunjukkan rasa syg aku padanya atau apa-apa saja… memang… dlm kepala ni x benti pk, dia dah memang patut dan wajar buat apa yg dia dah buat sbb dia kekasih aku… dan memang begitulah lumrahnya… tapi kalau dah namanya ‘aku’ yg jadi kekasihnya, aku x bole jadi se’selfish’ itu… ntah la… ada perkara yg lebih kecil, lebih remeh yg lebih aku harapkan dia buat utk aku… aku x minta benda yg keterlaluan + melampau… tapi entahlah… mungkin aku harus pujuk hati aku utk lebih menerima dia seadanya… dia yg x mungkin akan buat perkara-perkara kecil + remeh seperti itu…

bila pkkan apa yg aku dah beri padanya, aku x penah kesah sbb aku rasa drpd aku menghabiskan duit aku utk beli benda yg aku x suke, x gemar, x berkenan, x minat, hanya kerana org lain pujuk aku supaya aku beli benda tu atau suruh aku pakai pakaian mcm itu, pakai benda ini, buat mcm ini atas nasihat org lain walhal hati aku, jiwa aku langsung x bole nak terima atau mmg bukan taste aku, lebih baek la aku bli benda yg aku suke dan yg aku tahu org tu pun pasti suke… kan!!!???

aku terasa entri aku ni cam merapu gile je… sure org tak paham… hahahaha!… bia la!… anyhow, it’s worth it to try ;p ;p ;p…

Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner

Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner – by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound “not politically correct”, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: “You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone”; You need a lot more!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

Question – 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:

1. You can grow together, or
2. You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line – Marry someone who wants the same thing.

Question – 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished”; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

Question – 3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world -

1. People who are dedicated to personal growth and
2. People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

Question – 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

Question – 5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse.” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another Perspective -

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay Attention -

Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye”; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS -

01. Trust
02. Communication
03. Intimacy
04. A Sense of Humor
05. Sharing Tasks
06. Some get away time without Business or Children.
07. Daily Exchanges (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
08. Sharing Common Goals & Interests.
09. Giving each other space to grow without feeling Insecure.
10. Giving each other a sense of Belonging & Assurances of Commitment.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

 

[forwarded by pacik amzah]